Thinkcorps

No sooner do I finish writing my little convergence post, then I stumble upon this: PricewaterhouseCoopers Recommends ‘Lifestyle Media’ as a Key Growth Driver for Media Companies in the Digital Convergence Era

Some gems (with translations):

Consumer needs are expanding beyond mass and segmented media to “Lifestyle Media.”

Sound awesome? We just took one in each hand and smashed ‘em together! Insight, baby!

Knowledge of consumer behavior will become the basis for competition.

Since when is this news? Since we made it seem complicated, of course!

The media marketplace provides a platform structure to capitalize on “Lifestyle Media.”

Yep, you can sell ads.

Early movers in establishing media marketplaces will build sustainable advantage over late entrants.

So not true, but it’ll make you feel better about paying us.

Media marketplaces will be economically viable only if operational efficiencies can be realized through consumer behavior measurement capabilities and supporting systems.

Insert escape clause. Look, we’re not promising anything here.

Convergence will require increased collaboration between value chain partners to drive new products and services to consumers.

Seriously, you really need our help. Just sign the check and leave a blank one here—just in case.

Understand and serve consumers’ “Lifestyle Media” desires by researching behaviors and needs. Assess readiness for the converged future.

Don’t worry about that one. Hey, that’s what we’re here for, buddy!

Develop strategies for owning social networks to capture consumer activity information, while meeting privacy requirements. Assess and build competence in alliances, partnerships and joint ventures.

Imagine your a pimp, right? You gotta work those bitches to get your money, no? Users are your bitches! Get it? Awesome!

As video consumption expands to many devices, understand the impact of one outlet on another and know the complexities of content security controls, and incorporate them into systems and processes.

This part is kinda hard, but we rock at it. Hey, wanna see a cool card trick?

Build advertising models for new consumer behaviors, especially video browsing, and establish standards for advertising and audience measurement metrics.

I told you already! Work them bitches! Now get your ass outta my sight ‘fore I bust a cap in your ass! Figuratively, of course, sir.