Thinkcorps

So this guy tries to smuggle in some bologna from Mexico (on a bus) and he gets caught. Which is not surprising since he had around 850 lbs. of illicit bologna and 100 lbs. of cheese with him in 14 suitcases and hidden on his person. Naturally, Customs and Border Patrol is pleased.

First: it’s a frickin’ miracle that there 1) weren’t any drug-sniffing dogs around and 2) they didn’t tear him to pieces. (Actually, said smuggler is apparently unaccounted for … hmmm.)

Second: the reporter (after tossing in a lame aside about how the agency didn’t know if the guy had any bread on him—get it? bologna, cheese … and bread? HA!) mentions that the poor slob stood to make a tidy profit on his sandwich fixin’s which in the US sell for 3 to 4 times the $7 to $8 he paid in Mexico.

OK, I’m just gonna assume that he can really get that much, though I would imagine that any poor soul loitering about a swap meet (?!) trying to unload 1,000 lbs. of hot, sweaty bologna and cheese is gonna take whatever anyone happens to offer. So, that’s gonna tally up to around $6,000 he paid, $18,000 sale price (doubtful), and $12,000 profit (more like $6,000—maybe).

Now, here’s the audience participation part:

Calculate for me the street value of the cocaine, heroin, marijuana and Mexican pharmaceuticals that passed cleanly through the border checkpoints while all the Border Patrol agents were busy unloading those dozen or so meat-and-cheese laden suitcases from the bowels of that bus.

Third: Anyone who eats bologna, let alone strange, sweaty, well-travelled Mexican bologna—deserves exactly what they get.