Thinkcorps

Lists are basically magazines’ way of telling you that you’re stupid, and that just like crows, you are easily distracted by shiny objects—in this case, big numbers and the word ‘Best,’ usually bolded in red, sometimes overlaid on a pair of breasts. It’s holiday time, folks, so get ready to be patronized—to the EXTREME!!

It’s still early—we’re not seeing the buying guides just yet—but apparently the next new thing is “best of the year,” which is actually easier to do, since editors don’t actually have to cull all that contact and pricing information, or ensure that the product is either available for purchase or doesn’t actually suck big fat air. [note: I did the first Wired Tools gear supplement, so I have some experience in this arena.]

For brevity’s sake, I think I’ll just point out the really stupid items, it’s more fun this way.

1. Time: Coolest Inventions of 2003
1) The iTunes music store isn’t that cool: $.99/track for DRM you don’t own and Apple doesn’t actually make any money off it. 2) BeoLab 5speakers: I like Bang & Olufsen as much as the next guy, but $16K for speakers doesn’t make them cool. 3) The NeCoRo robotic cat is freaking me out (I say: cage match between the robo-cat and the lobster). 4) The Gibbs Aquada is the stupidest f*cking product of the year. How much of an asshole do you need to be? 5) Invisible Tech: You have to be perfectly in line with the video camera for the illusion to stand muster. ‘nuff said.

2. Popular Science | Best of What’s New 2003
PopSci is an interesting hybrid, trying to bridge its old-school astronomy-loving audience, with the new breed of tech-loving readers. Not an easy challenge, by any means. Their best of list goes more traditional (defense tech, auto) than most.

1) There’s that damn aquacar again. Why do people think that’s cool? 2) iTunes Music Store: still a raw deal. 3) Computer manufacturers selling digital CE isn’t that revolutionary, if you actually think about it. 4) Sharp LCD TVs: $1700 for 15 inches. Wow. Cool. 5) Garden Groom Hedge Trimmer: Trimmers are exactly the wrong way to trim your hedges. Seriously, ask those This Old House guys. They’ll tell you.

3. NYT Circuits: A Little Digital Something for Everyone
NYT has a pretty typical grab bag of products, nothing really outstanding, though I have to point out the strange love letter to Mac accessory-maker Griffin Technology (I like the company myself, but why so many products?).

Standouts: Recommending satellite radio just seems weird to me (some people love it however, I’m sure. People loved Who’s the Boss?) Sidetalkin’ Nokia 3300—guaranteed to drive away potential dates and mates. Kid’s stuff is all basically crap, but they’ll break it anyway, so who cares? Pacific Digital MemoryFrame digital photo display (LCD in a frame)—and you thought technology couldn’t be pretentious. And finally, ‘cause I’m tired of this, not cause I’m at the end of the list, the Sharp Aquos Mobile: Yes, Virginia, Wifi is cool—ground-breaking even—but it’s a 15-inch TV for $1800. Seriously, people wake up.

4. Business 2.0 Gizmo Guide (subscription required)
OK, I have to immediately take points off for using the word ‘gizmo’. It’s not me, these are the rules. But beyond that, I have mostly positive things to say: partly because I don’t have the print mag in front of me right now, and partly because it was put together by Shoshana Berger (Readymade founder) who knows what she’s doing and is pretty damn cute to boot.

Shana has products grouped into several typical user types (also typical B2 reader types, I imagine). I didn’t really feel like the products picked for the “CEO” were that good—but they did tend to scream “asshole”, which is probably appropriate. All in all, one of the best gift guides I’ve seen this year.

more to come …